[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Is your life full of “must do” instead of “want to do”? Do you have the feeling that you spend a great deal of your time with obligations?
Maybe you feel you do not have time to do what you want and for the things you like? You leave them for further on when you have more time; only this moment never seems to come?
The difference between “I have to” and “this must be done”
There is a subtle difference between both expressions. “I must” or “I have to” clearly alludes to something you think you need and is in your power to do. However, changing the subject to a thing and to indirect voice by saying “this must be done” is more passive. There is something you would like to be done but deep down you do not take the responsibility and expect somebody else to do it. Then you might complain when it does not get done. But notice that you have taken on a victim and passive role. Tasks which do not have a person in charge usually remain undone. So, if you have not taken the responsibility to deal with the task or delegate it clearly to another person, do not complain when it does not get done.
The problem with “must” and “have to”
When we face our chores, work and activities with these expressions everything will seem an obligation and a burden. It is difficult to keep your spirits up when we say “I have to do this”.
Become aware of your language
“I do not have time” nowadays seems to be one of the most common phrases; and the explanations are sprinkled with “I have to do this” and “that ought to be done”. When we want to improve something, the first step is always to become aware. Therefore, I suggest you think about your daily routine and observe your behaviour and attitude.
How many times a day do you say “I have to” do this or “I must” do that? How often do you use these expressions even for things you like to do? At times we do not realise how deeply rooted these expressions are in our way of talking.
How often do you say “I have to” do this or that? Our #attitude and way of talking influence our #motivation. Share on X
Our decisions have an influence on our responsibilities
Become aware that obligations do not appear in our life as if by magic. Rather, we spend our life making decisions. We decide that the house needs cleaning, the sheets changed, the washing or shopping or whatever needs to be done every certain days. Maybe we decide to go to a birthday party we have been invited to and “have to” buy a gift. We work to earn a living in something we might like more or less. Maybe we decide to join a gym to practice more sports.
I could continue listing examples but the question is that we decide to do certain things and make certain commitments. We also decide which frequency is the correct one to do these things. Moreover, we decide which is our quality standard.
Running a good household may mean for somebody that everything always needs to be tidy and perfect, for someone else that it is enough with cleaning up once a week for example. For one person it can be important that all food eaten is home-made or ecological whilst another person usually eats out at cafés and restaurants. One person can consider his/her job a simple means to bring money home whilst for another person it is important to be an excellent professional. For one person keeping in shape may mean practicing sports five times a week when for another it might be enough to do some physical activity every three days.
Our decisions and choices define our daily routine, our workload and responsibilities. Remember that you decide and define what a good life means for you.
Our #decisions and #choices define our daily routine, our #workload and #responsibilities. #motivation Share on X
Going from “have to” to “want to”
We have seen how deep-rooted the expression “have to” or “must” can be in our manner of speaking. We have also seen that we play an active role in our obligations and responsibilities as well as tasks and activities we fill our agenda with. The next step is to take responsibility for the decisions we make and avoid the “have to” or replace it with “want to”. Let us see the effect of changing one expression for the other:
“Today I have to go to the gym, although I do not feel like it, because the membership is paid.” or “I want to be in good shape that is why I am going to the gym although today I am not as much in the mood.”
“I have to change the towels and put on the washing machine.” or “I like that the towels are fresh so I will change them and put on the washing machine.”
“Next weekend I am invited to a birthday party and I still have to buy a gift.” or “I have a birthday party and want to give the birthday girl/boy joy with a gift.”
“This week I have to go to the bank to sort out some issues.” or “This week I want to go to the bank to sort out some issues.”
“Today I must prepare a presentation my boss has asked me for.” or “Today I want to prepare the presentation my boss has asked me for and show him/her my knowledge and skills.”
Try saying “I want to do” instead of “I have to do”. What effect does it have on your #attitude and #motivation? Share on X
Our way of talking influences our motivation
Have you seen that a little change in how we express ourselves makes something seem less of an obligation? Expressing our thoughts more positively will make them seem less of a burden. It will remind us that we have decided to do that task and motivate us more to do it.
We can decide to consider everything a burden and an obligation or take responsibility for our decisions and face things with a good attitude. When we improve our motivation, our ability to persevere, our productivity and the quality of what we do also increase. It will be easier to keep in good shape if we want to go to the gym instead of considering it an obligation. We will prepare a better presentation if we want to show our boss what a good professional we are. We will reach our goals if we remind ourselves that we have decided to work on them and that we want to achieve them.
Our #motivation affects our ability to #persevere, our #productivity and the quality with which we do things. Share on X
Fill your life with more “want to”
We have seen that we decide how we want to spend our time. In addition to changing our way of looking at obligations and commitments, choosing actively to spend more time with things that are fun and fulfill us will also help our motivation. Do you know the phrase “lack of time does not exist, it is lack of interest”? We all have the same hours in a day. The difference between people who are more satisfied with their life and those who are less is how they decide to use that time.
If you are dissatisfied with some life aspect, think about what you can improve. Consider what is most important in your life and what makes you happiest. Then assign a high priority to these issues and people and you will see how it will be less difficult finding time for them. We only have one life so we rather live it as we like and reserve time for what fulfills us.
The difference between satisfied and less satisfied people is how they decide to use their time. Do you do things because you want to or ought to? #motivation Share on X
So, do you “have to” or “want to”?
Do you use “have to” or “must” a lot in your daily life? What does that do for your motivation?
I suggest you reformulate your thoughts and sentences more positively. Try to “want” more things instead of “having to” do them. Also avoid saying “this needs to be done” if you want it to become a reality.
For more causes for lack of motivation and solutions check out this article from INLP Center.
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