[vc_row][vc_column][vc_column_text]Do you think you know how to manage your emotions? In order to know how to mandle our emotions we need to know how to recognise them. Let us see what emotions are and why we should pay attention to them. That brings us to what it means to know how to manage your emotions and why it is so important.
What are emotions
Emotions are reactions to stimuli when we perceive a person, an event, a memory, an object or a place. They drive us to adapt to the environment by approaching some and moving away from others. Emotions activate certain behaviors and associations in memory. Also, they organise responses from our biological system: in the nervous system, muscles, voice, facial expressions and the endocrine system.
All this to put us in the optimal situation for a more effective behavior in reaction to the stimuli received. However, we must bear in mind that what we consider effective behavior is subjective. It depends on the education we have received, on our experiences, beliefs and acquired patterns.
The release of neurotransmitters or hormones causes the different emotional states that later become feelings and finally language. Feelings are longer lasting and can be expressed verbally.
When emotions become feelings
This point is important to remember in situations where we feel a certain emotion that we then feed back mentally. Take for example that a certain event with a person causes you anger. Once this moment of anger is over our body and brain tend to seek normalisation.
However, we may feed back the emotion by brooding over what has happened and how the other person has treated us. So we are verbalising the emotion and we may even turn a moment of rage into a feeling of aversion or even hatred towards the other person. What has been an emotional state of passing anger becomes a lasting feeling of anger, resentment, aversion or hatred towards the other.
Do you know the difference between #emotions and #feelings? Find it out and how to manage your emotions. #emotionalintelligence #emotionmanagement Share on X
Primary emotions
Primary emotions are innate. We experience them in response to a stimulus. Here, the American psychologist Paul Ekman classified six basic emotional states: anger, disgust, fear, joy, sadness and surprise. However, a more recent study conducted at the University of Glasgow in the United Kingdom concludes that there are only four primary emotions. They studied facial expressions that show emotions. These signals are the result of biological and social evolution. That is why they affirm that disgust and anger on one side and surprise and fear on the other side share the same basic expressions.
Secondary emotions
Secondary emotions are due to social and moral norms. We acquire them as we grow up and interact with other people. They can also be a combination of several basic emotions. Therefore they follow the primary emotions depending on the situation. They can also be more difficult to recognise because we do not express them as clearly as primary emotions.
Surprise or fear (we have seen before that evolutionarily they seem to be the same emotion) can turn into anger or a sense of threat. Joy can become enthusiasm, pride, pleasure or satisfaction. Contempt can follow disgust. Anger can become annoyance, hate, guilt or shame for example.
In world of #emotions we can distinguish primary and secondary ones. What the difference is and why it is important. #emotionmanagement #emotionalintelligence Share on X
How we learn to express our emotions
We come to the world with a backpack full of emotions to express what we feel. When we are babies and cannot express ourselves with words, they are the way to share what we feel and need. When it comes to joy, this is easy. But when it comes to transmitting that we are hungry or thirsty, that something bothers us or hurts, it gets more complicated. We burst into tears and our parents try to guess what happens to us.
When we grow up and learn to communicate ourselves also with signs and words, one should think that things get easier. However, the first constraints begin to appear. Our parents consciously and unconsciously transmit how we should behave; how we should or should not express our emotions; what is well seen and what is not; what to do to be loved and cared for. That is when we develop in addition to the primary emotions also the secondary ones.
How emotional blockages appear
We may learn that it is not right to get angry. We might be taught that we should not be sad and that we must always present a pleasant face. Also we may grow up thinking that we should always be strong, that we should not show our fears, not show ourselves vulnerable.
It could even be that we develop the belief that we should not be too effusive when we are happy or proud of something. We may learn that the love we receive is conditional on how we behave. They will love us only if we behave well. They will take care of us only if we are dependent.
As you can see from these examples, as children we develop all kinds of behaviour patterns and beliefs. Do you recognise yourself in any? Reading the examples, have you come up with any limiting beliefs that you have dragged into adulthood?
We come to world with a backpack filled with #emotions. Do you know how to manage them healthily? #emotionmanagement #emotionalintelligence Share on X
What is the result of emotional blockages
We learn the patterns and beliefs mentioned above not only at home with our family. We also live in a society in which it seems that we should all be happy and satisfied all the time. It is not well regarded that we show so-called negative emotions such as anger. We should not be vulnerable because what a shame to cry in public. Or we may believe that to please others it is better to agree with them and not decline their requests.
If we have already learned as children which emotions are well considered and how to behave to feel loved and protected, as adults we are still corseted in what is considered good manners.
All these constraints, behaviour patterns and beliefs lead us to block ourselves in certain situations. We have a hard time handling the whole range of emotions, both the so-called positive ones and those considered negative because we are concerned about what others may think of us.
When we create a protective shell
Being as we are social animals, we all want to be accepted and loved. But the fear of rejection, of not being enough, can lead us to create a shell behind which we hide our emotions. We make ourselves always seem happy or blame others if things are not as we would like.
This protective shell, which can express itself in many different ways, ends up limiting ourselves. It does not allow us to live life fully because we hide our essence and build our relationships to others based on fear. This can even make us sick.
As children we create #beliefs and #behaviour patterns depending on how we perceive we should express ourselves. Do your patterns & beliefs limit you? #emotionmanagement Share on X
How to learn to manage your emotions
We are not robots but people made of flesh and blood and, of course, with emotions and feelings. Deep down we all want to feel good in our own skin and interact with others in a positive and healthy way. Therefore, it is necessary to look deep inside. If you want to be aware of your blockages and limitations, I suggest you ask yourself these questions:
- How is your self-love? Do you believe in your own worth and love and respect yourself?
- Which emotions are you afraid to express?
- Why do you think this is the case?
- Which beliefs do you have that do not allow you to express your emotions?
- Which patterns and beliefs do you think limit you in your life?
Once you have illuminated your shadows, think about which small steps you can take to get out of your shell. These small actions can be very varied because they depend on the limitations and fears you have detected. Let us see some examples.
Liberating exercises
- Do you show yourself love? Do you take care of yourself or crush yourself with a negative inner dialogue? Sometimes we talk to ourselves in a way we would not dare to speak to others and we can be our own worst enemy. Become aware, pay attention and tell yourself that you love yourself and that you are great as you are.
- If you have realised that you do not dare to share your opinion or say no for fear of not being accepted, you can train your assertiveness with small exercises.
- In case you think you should always put on a brave face and be cheerful, next time you are worried about something, try to trust a close person and share how you feel.
- You may have learned to be self-sufficient and not depend on anyone. Then try asking someone for help.
- Maybe you think you have to do everything always perfect. Then try to see what happens if you stop worrying about perfection and concentrate on merely getting it done.
- Related to the previous point, you may think that if you do not do it, nobody else will or it will not be well done. Then suppress your impulse to control everything and place trust in somebody else by letting them do it in their own way.
I cannot cover all possible cases and situations here. But I want you to reflect on how you can free yourself from those chains that limit your personal growth, undermine your self-esteem and possibly harm your relationships.
Do you think you manage your #emotions well? Which questions to pose to detect possible #emotionalblockages and limitations. #emotionmanagement #emotionalintelligence Share on X
How to free yourself from your emotional blockages
However, this is a path that we do not have to travel alone. In fact, we should not be afraid of resorting to professional help: psychologists, therapists, emotional intelligence experts, personal growth facilitators or coaches.
I have been fortunate enough to participate in a theatrical growth retreat taught by Nuri Zubiri and organised by Plázida. It consists in taking advantage of the tools of the world of theatre and performance to work on emotion management and personal growth. This helps to become aware of the fears and the blockages that limit us in our lives.
However, I cannot tell you that this is an easy path. It requires courage and determination to look deep inside. Our protective shell will invent a thousand great excuses to protect our fears and our vulnerability; to make us believe that anything we suffer right now is much better than facing our deepest fears, as liberating as the latter may be. Because the uncertainty of what we can find also seems very scary.
Do you want to learn to manage your #emotions better? It requires courage to look deep inside but you do not need to travel the path alone. #emotionmanagement Share on X
Do you know how to manage your emotions?
How does your emotional world look like? Do you think you know how to manage your emotions well? Have you noticed that you have beliefs and behavior patterns that limit you in certain situations in your life? Are you prepared to inquire further and free yourself from the chains that bind you to beliefs and patterns that no longer help you?
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