This is the month of love and we are surrounded by messages announcing Valentineās Day. But I am bringing you a different approach: self-love.
But why self-love?
Because I am convinced that in order to love others in a healthy way, we first need to love ourselves. Many of us will have heard of or experienced jealous, possessive or obsessive behaviour in the name of love. Love stories in novels, movies and songs sell us messages like āI cannot live without youā or āI need youā. But they actually indicate behaviours based on a lack of self-esteem and respect for oneself and thus lack of self-love. They show an impoverished way of loving, interested in what the other can or should do for us to demonstrate their love.āLove yourself first, because thatās who youāll be spending the rest of your life with.ā
What is true love?
In my opinion real love means accepting the other person like he or she is, with his/her strengths and weaknesses, and loving him/her for it. It means loving in a disinterested way, not because of what they can provide us: safety, relieving loneliness, making us feel more self-confident or good-looking for example. I do not mean to say that it is bad if they make us feel like this, but it should not be the goal of the relationship. We should bring āthe work doneā from home.What is self-love
Well it is similar to loving other people. Self-love means accepting us the way we are and loving us for it. Also it means being kind to ourselves and watching our inner dialogue. Loving oneself is likewise figuring out what is most important in our life and our purpose. That way we may carve out the life we want, instead of blaming circumstances for everything that happens to us.āBe gentle with yourself. You are doing the best you can.ā Anonymous
You are a complete and valuable person
Another concept we have been instilled is to look for our better half. But this can lead us to the misconception that we need another person to make us complete. However, we are not the half of anybody but the whole, that is a valuable and complete person. Mindfulness teaches us that human beings are valid and valuable just for the fact of being alive. We neither āneedā somebody although love stories want to sell us this idea. We only āneedā to accept and love ourselves and convince us of our worth.Take care of your self-esteem
Yes, I know I do mention it in several posts but I will not tire of repeating it. Taking care of our self-esteem is a fundamental part of loving ourselves. Improving it is essential to feel self-confident and living the life we want. A good self-esteem will also help us defend our interests in an assertive way, dare to meet new people and try new things as well as to look for opportunities and challenges.āConfidence isnāt walking into a room thinking you are better than everyone, itās walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone at all.ā Anonymous
Learn to accept yourself
As I have said before, the first thing in order to love ourselves is to accept our strengths and weaknesses. Therefore, we need to know ourselves. So it might be helpful to take time for reflection and make an inventory of our strengths and weaknesses. As well, avoid to compare yourself to others. There will always be somebody who seems to be better at something, more successful or happier than you. However you probably do not know his/her entire story, but you well know your own. Hence the only valid comparison is with yourself: with who you have been, who you are and who you want to be.āCan you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?
Be your best version
Loving ourselves also means giving our best: in our relations, at work, ultimately in all aspects of our life. Moreover to me it means to work on being a better person every day; to look for a way to potentiate our strengths and improve our weaknesses. Because when you give your best, you will feel better about yourself, more satisfied and proud.You do not have to know it all
I like to say that you do not have to know it all, you just have to know where to find it. With this I mean both knowledge and skills. In order to be a complete and valid person you do not have to know everything. If you have an electrical problem, you will call an electrician, wonāt you? So why not apply this same principle to other aspects of your life? Self-love also means admitting that we do not know something and asking for help or hiring an expert, instead of feeling useless or wasting time trying to resolve something we are not good at.Watch your inner dialogue
We tend to be more critical with ourselves than with other people. We might even tells us negative or disdainful things we would never dare to tell somebody else so not to hurt their feelings. Then why do we treat ourselves with less kindness than others? So watch how you talk to yourself when something does not turn out as you wanted and learn to treat yourself as you would do with a loved one.āRule your mind or it will rule you.ā Buddha
Take care of your well-being
I think another way to show ourselves self-love is to take care of our physical and mental well-being. Eating healthily, doing some physical activity and getting enough rest show respect for our body as well as providing us with more energy and making us feel good. But in that sense it is also important to take care of our mental health. Learning how to deal with stress and looking for solutions to potentially stressful situations means proving us self-love. At times we find ourselves trapped in a vicious circle, thinking life is like that. However we can take the reins of our life. We can learn techniques not only to relieve stress but actually prevent it. Figuring out what is most important in our lives and focussing our efforts proactively towards our priorities will increase our level of satisfaction and happiness. And why not, pamper yourself from time to time with a spa, massage, facial treatment or whatever relaxing activity you like.Have fun
What better expression of self-love than having fun. Take time for a laugh with friends, for doing things you like. As the song goes āwork hard, play hardā, so after having given your best at work, do not forget to enjoy yourself.Take time for yourself
Self-love also means feeling comfortable with yourself. So I also suggest you reserve some time for you alone, be it for thinking, meditating, reading a book or inspiring article, going to a museum, pampering yourself or whatever you feel like and enjoy.āBeauty is when you can appreciate yourself. When you love yourself, that’s when you’re most beautiful.ā Zoe Kravitz
4 responses
Thank you so much for bringing this topic up front. I’ve been thinking quite a lot about self-care lately āI have even bought a book or two on the subject because I am a true bookworkā and your ideas resonate with what I’m trying to do. It’s easier said than done, though. I understand the principles of self-love and self-care but I find myself unable to put them into practice. Life gets in the middle, chocolate helps so much in a stressful situation, and it’s just too easy to skip the gym when you’re dead tired.
Thank you for reminding us that self-care & self-love is a priority, because we tend to forget it.
Thank you for your comment, MarĆa. Remember that “life” gets in the middle if you let it. We can make choices at every moment and we need to listen to our body and mind. One thing is skipping the gym because you don’t feel like it, another because you’re too tired. That might be a symptom of putting too much on your plate and forgetting that our bodies also need relaxation to recover.
Really enjoyed this! These quotes are simple yet so powerful. A great pick-me-upāthank you!
Thank you Nisha! I’m glad you liked the quotes and hope you found the article helpful, too.