Do you know how to keep calm in potentially stressful situations? Do you stay calm in situations that bother you? Let us see what serenity is and how to remain calm in difficult situations.
What is serenity
Serenity is a state of calm and inner peace. It is the art of staying calm in situations that upset or overwhelm us. It means not succumbing to stress, nervousness or anxiety. A serene person looks for alternatives of reaction and behaviour to remain calm, think clearly and react appropriately. They also know how to deal with uncertainty and accept that they cannot control everything.
The good news is that serenity can be trained. It is a matter of increasing your self-awareness and self-control. You achieve this by acquiring certain mental and behavioural habits.
Benefits of serenity
When we feel that inner peace, we are in a state of relaxation. It is in this state when our body activates favourable processes for our health. The levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, are reduced.
This balances our blood pressure, which reduces the risk of cardiovascular disease. It also improves your digestion. When you are calm, the parasympathetic nervous system that controls digestion is activated. That way the nutrients you eat are transformed into energy more efficiently.
Serenity also helps reduce inflammation and pain. It increases our immunity. Also, it improves our quality of sleep.
Last but not least, we feel more control over our lives. With a cool head we feel more capable, see more alternatives and can react more appropriately to situations.
In short, serenity contributes to our physical, mental and emotional well-being.
How to train serenity
We live in a fast-paced and demanding world. Many stimuli and pressures surround us. We have many obligations. This is why staying calm can be difficult at times. But it is also true that precisely for this reason it is convenient for us to train serenity. So let us look at some key points.
1. Improve your self-awareness
First of all you need to know yourself. To do this, pay attention to how you perceive the world and situations. How do you react when something bothers you; when something does not fit with what you consider correct; or when the going gets tough? What triggers stress and nervousness in you?
2. Train your emotional intelligence
Training our emotional intelligence is most useful for all areas of our lives. On the one hand, it means recognising the different emotions in ourselves and others. On the other hand, it means learning to regulate our emotions.
It is not about suppressing the anger that, for example, you may experience in the face of something that annoys you. Emotions are good indicators of whether something is going right or wrong. But it is about recognising what we feel and controlling how we show that emotion; so that we do not react in a way that we might be embarrassed about or regret later.
It also means noticing if your angry or stressed reaction is actually due to the situation at hand. If you were, for example, on holidays feeling relaxed, would it bother you the same? What worries you about this situation? Are you afraid of something?
2.1. Your values and beliefs
May that person annoy you because they remind you of someone who pissed you off in the past or has some characteristic that you dislike? Do you associate certain types of people with things that do not fit into your system of values and beliefs? For example, you drive your car and someone overtakes you in a risky way. Or somebody takes away your parking space right under your nose. Do you notice a pattern when it usually bothers you the most? Perhaps when they are drivers of cars that seem ostentatious to you?
I invite you to start paying more attention from now on. When something gets on your nerves, ask yourself why you are really upset. What is the underlying motive?
2.2. Understanding, compassion and empathy
In addition to thinking about your real motives, it also helps to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. When a certain behaviour bothers you, ask yourself why that person might have acted that way. What compels them to behave this way? What might have happened to them in the past to make such behaviour seem appropriate or effective? Do they fear something? How would you behave in his situation?
When we develop more empathy and understanding for others, we also tend to become more understanding and compassionate with ourselves.
If despite everything, you find it difficult to understand the behaviour of the other person, ask yourself if it is worth the energy you are spending with your anger.
3. Train your self-control
Once you become more aware of your triggers and behaviours, consider how you would like to react. Visualise yourself in adverse situations; in the situations that stress you the most. How would you usually react?
Now visualise yourself calm and relaxed. Imagine how you would face those situations with serenity. What would you do? What would you say? How would you feel? Use all your senses to make the image as vivid as possible. I suggest that you do this exercise from time to time to anchor your ideal reaction in your subconscious.
The next time you are faced with a stressful situation, take a second to focus on your breath. Then remember that image of serenity that you had visualised.
4. Practice acceptance
Another key to staying calm in stressful situations is to practice acceptance. On the one hand, it means learning to accept things as they are. It does not mean resigning yourself to what you do not like and you can improve. But it is about first accepting reality.
On the other hand, it means accepting that not everything is under your control. That is why I invite you to choose your battles. When something stresses or bothers you, first become aware of what you feel and accept it. Then ask yourself what you can do to improve your situation. Do you need to change your attitude? Can you take any action?
5. Train your flexibility
We each have our vision of the world, our values and beliefs. Ask yourself to what extent your perception of situations causes you stress, worry or anger. In all situations there is usually more than one point of view, more than one option, more than one path. Holding on to believing that only our way of thinking or acting is correct can cause us stress and frustration.
If you want to live more serenely, I invite you to open your mind and consider other options. Training your flexibility will also improve your ability to adapt to changes. You will resist them less because you are more able to consider more opportunities to take advantage of changes in your favour.
6. Say goodbye to perfectionism
Being a perfectionist is very stressful. Pretending to be perfect and doing everything perfectly is exhausting. This is because perfection is an unattainable illusion. No one is perfect, nor is there any need to be. We each have our qualities, our strengths and weaknesses. This is what makes us special.
Thinking about work, you will also be much more productive if you say goodbye to perfectionism. In short, you will live in a more serene and relaxed way if you free yourself from the cage of perfectionism.
As for serenity, do not expect to become a Zen master overnight. Also do not aspire to never feel frustrated or angry again. As I said before, it is not about suppressing your emotions, which are necessary indicators. It is a matter of learning to react better. In other words, recognise what you feel and then, despite this, try to remain calm. To do this, first practice with situations that bother you only slightly.
7. Stop ruminating
Another point that takes you away from serenity is ruminating on the past and the future: what could have been and was not; what could happen; what you think they think about you; comparing yourself with others. All this wastes your energy and harms your emotional well-being. So do not get caught in spirals of negative and futile thoughts.
Rather look for more effective ways to release your thoughts. For example, spend some time each day writing in a journal. That way you can take the opportunity to let go of everything that is going through your head and everything you feel. You will clear your head and feel more serene afterwards.
I also suggest that you take time to really think. It may be useful to put it in writing as well. During that time ask yourself: What do I want? What would I like to improve? How do I want my life to be in a year, five years, ten years from now? What is my purpose?
These types of questions allow you to reflect more productively. They help you detect improvement points, set goals and take action.
8. Relativise
When we get angry or stressed we tend to make a mountain out of a molehill. We are so involved in the situation and in believing that we are right that we let ourselves be carried away by our emotions.
That is why I invite you to mentally take a step back. Breathe calmly and try to see the situation with perspective. Ask yourself how important this situation will be in a few days. Does it still seem important to you? So how about within a few months or a few years?
When we put an upsetting situation into the context of the whole, we often find that our reaction was exaggerated. Most situations are not usually that serious and important. Our anger is usually due rather to an accumulation of experiences. We were already nervous, stressed or upset about something. So, suddenly a situation fills the glass and makes us go up the wall.
9. Prioritise
Just like relativising, prioritising helps us with serenity. In this sense, I mean being clear about your priorities on a personal and professional level. When we focus on what is important to us, it is easier to relativise certain situations.
Prioritising is also essential to keep stress at bay. Time is limited. Therefore, focus on what is a priority for you and how you want to live. That may require learning to say ‘no’ to things that do not fit into your priorities.
10. Manage your energy
Knowing your priorities will help you better manage your energy and time. On the one hand, plan your days in order to find time for what is important. Take into account your most productive hours to distribute the different types of tasks throughout the day.
On the other hand, try to take time for breaks during the day. After work, choose activities to disconnect from work and rest actively. All this will help you regain calm.
11. Manage stress
Stress arises from stimuli from the environment, our perception of them as well as our perception of our resources to face the situation. A little stress makes us alert and prepares us for action. But constant stress harms us physically and mentally. Then we can feel that everything is too much and that any challenge or conflict is beyond us.
That is why it is imperative that you learn to recognise when you are getting stressed. Pay attention to the signals of your body. Also, ask yourself which situations usually stress you out. What is the reason?
By prioritising well and managing your energy you can prevent some of the stress. Then I suggest you learn stress-relief techniques. Doing physical exercise, breathing techniques, practicing mindfulness or contemplation, and meditating are some examples.
12. Good habits
Finally, good habits also help you with serenity. A healthy lifestyle makes you more resilient and gives you more energy to face challenges. That is why you should take time for yourself even if it seems like you do not have it. Take care of your body and mind as well as your personal relationships.
Remember that a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved. Talking to people you trust about what bothers you will give you some relief. In addition, it allows you to access other points of view.
The first new good habit I suggest you include in your life is to resolve to act more serenely. Commit to staying calm. Your new mantra could be: “I want to be serene; I want to be calm.”
Do you know how to stay calm?
Can you stay calm in complicated or annoying situations? Or do you find it difficult to act with serenity? Which of the tips do you think will help you the most?
