Would you like to take more time for yourself, but do not manage? Do you want to take better care of yourself but do not know how? Let us see some keys to take time for yourself even when it seems that you do not have it.
1. What do you need?
First think about what you need. Which needs are you currently not fulfilling, or at least not enough? Self-care is more than pampering yourself. It means taking care of your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health and well-being.
So, consider in which of the pillars you have shortcomings. Do you need peace of mind? Do you need to relax? Is it possible that you need to take more care of your diet or move more? Maybe you need to feel more connection with other people. Or you may need to nurture your mind or develop yourself on a personal or professional level.
Also dare to share what you need with your family and/or friends. Whether you need time alone from time to time; or you would like to do more activities of some kind with them. Do not count on them having a crystal ball to guess what you want.
2. Deal with feelings of guilt
Do you have a hard time taking care of yourself and taking time for yourself because it makes you feel guilty? Then ask yourself why this is the case. What causes that feeling of guilt? Do you think you do not deserve it? Maybe you think you should take care of others first?
Then question those feelings of guilt. Are they really true? Or may they be limiting beliefs that you acquired at some point and impose on yourself? It may help to write down how you feel and what comes to mind about possible reasons.
Keep in mind that if you are fine, the people around you will benefit. Are you really unable to take a few minutes a day for yourself; not only for what you want but for what you need?
In addition, you may have certain needs that you can satisfy in company, with your partner, children or friends. Let us say you should do more exercise. Do you feel like doing it alone or is it something you could do with your partner or friends? Or maybe you like to visit museums or exhibitions but you have not been to one for ages. Is it something you want to enjoy alone or in company?
3. Prioritise
Another limitation that we usually put on ourselves is thinking that we do not have time. Here the first key is to make yourself and your well-being a priority. When something is a priority for us, we are able to make time out of thin air.
So I suggest you review your priorities. Ask yourself if they are aligned with what you really need. Confused priorities harm us. That is why it is important to decide what your priorities really are, what matters to you and what you really need.
That includes reviewing the activities you engage in throughout the day. Which ones bring you something good? Which ones only distract you? Of the latter, what need are you trying to satisfy? How can you do that in a healthier way?
4. Find the way
Sometimes we complicate things because we think there is only one way to do them. But when it comes to taking time for yourself and your needs and wants, try to think of all possible options.
On the one hand, think of all the possible alternatives to satisfy the needs that you detected in point 1. For example, there are many ways to relax. There are also many different options for sports. If we think about hobbies and free-time activities, I cannot even tell you the infinity of options out there. What do you like? What have you ever wanted to try?
But maybe you cannot take an hour for yourself a day. Then how about a few minutes? Or would you like to do something but do not want to neglect your family? Think about which things you can enjoy together. Maybe you have to wait a while at the doctor’s office? Instead of browsing social media, how about reading a good book?
In short, try to be creative and think ‘outside the box’ to find ways to take time to nurture yourself.
5. Set aside time for yourself
Perhaps, even after prioritising taking time for yourself, you are having a hard time finding it. Then it can be a good idea to schedule slots in your agenda. Thinking for example of physical activity, it might be easier for you to take time for yourself if you sign up for activities at fixed hours. I, for example, go to pilates on Mondays and Thursdays. Those hours are sacred to me. If something comes up, I do not just cancel, but move it to another day. In this way, I already guarantee myself two hours of exercise a week.
The time that you schedule does not need to be hours either. You may not find more than ten minutes here and there. It does not matter. Reserve them to dedicate them to yourself. In those ten minutes you may simply close your eyes and pay attention to your breath. Or you could do your nails. Also, those minutes are enough for some exercise or stretching. Do what you need and feel like.
Besides, as you get used to taking time for yourself and prioritising it, it is likely that you will feel more like it and find more time.
6. Do a little often
As I said before, you may not find several hours a day. However, doing a little often is more effective than taking some hours once a month for example. Whether it is meditating, exercising, or learning something, if you take a few minutes each day for any of them, you will have gained a lot already.
Okay, it is true that it would be better to do all three every day. We should exercise every day. We could use it very well to learn something new every day. And creating the habit of meditating is easier if you do it every day.
But, if none of the things you would like to include in your self-care routine is currently a habit, do not be too ambitious. Because then you only increase the chances of giving up quickly due to lack of time (or desire). So choose an activity that relaxes you and you enjoy, and start making it a habit. Then add another, then another one and so on.
7. Create your rituals
Furthermore it helps to create certain routines for yourself. It is easier to establish a habit if you connect it with another one you already have. That means, if you do the activity just before or after another well-established habit.
For example, create a morning routine that helps you start the day relaxed and energised. Or create a routine for after work or before bedtime. My morning routine, for example, consists of getting up, showering and getting dressed. Then I do some exercises to activate and stretch the body. Next, I meditate for fifteen to twenty minutes. Then I have a balanced and healthy breakfast. Finally I brush my teeth and I am ready to take on the day with energy and enthusiasm.
8. Set goals
Another idea, if you find it hard to take time for yourself, is to set small goals. Which good habit do you want to acquire? How often and for how long do you want to practice it? Once you have reached that goal, set the next one by increasing the duration or frequency of that activity. And maybe add a new goal with another new habit that you want to establish.
9. Set boundaries
When you prioritise conscientiously, you will give importance to some things over others. The hours of the day are limited. Therefore, we do not have time to do everything. This means, on the one hand, to be aware that there will be things to which you will have to say ‘no’. There will be commitments that you will not be able to accept. Just because you cannot be everywhere at once. On the other hand, learn not to feel guilty about it.
Taking time for yourself requires assertiveness on your part. Maybe you find it hard to say ‘no’ to something. You do not want to hurt other people’s feelings. That is why it is difficult for you to put your preferences and desires before those of others.
Here, it may help you to remember that the world will still be there after you have taken time out for yourself. You will also feel better and more prepared to deal with the challenges around you.
Lastly, taking care of yourself is not selfish or a luxury. It is necessary for your physical, mental and emotional health. And if you feel good, the people with whom you interact will benefit.
10. Ask for help
To take time for yourself, you may have to admit that you cannot do everything on your own. In order to free up time for yourself, you may need to ask for help. Do you often work overtime? In addition to prioritising your tasks, could you talk to your boss to get rid of some task that adds little value? Can a colleague help you with a project? If you are self-employed, are there things you can delegate?
Thinking about household chores, are they distributed in your family or does the bulk fall back on you? What could your partner and children take care of? If your family economy allows it, could you hire a housekeeper or, from time to time, a nanny?
Taking time for yourself when you do not have it, in short
I suggest that you remind yourself often that you deserve to take time for yourself. It is not selfish to want to feel good so do not feel guilty. This is about fulfilling your needs.
On the other hand, only considering yourself and your well-being a priority, will you really manage. This will make it easier for you to reserve time for yourself, delegate some tasks or say ‘no’ to commitments.
Also try to make it as easy as possible. Do not complicate your routines. And take advantage of other existing habits to add a new one. Choose activities that you enjoy and that fit into your lifestyle. Otherwise, it will be more difficult for you to persevere.
Finally, try to find a balance between the four basic pillars of well-being: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. In my case, for example, I have no trouble taking care of my mental well-being. I love learning, reading, going to exhibitions or the theatre. But I must admit that I have to force myself to move enough.
However, we should move every day for a while. Physical exercise helps us relieve stress by releasing endorphins. It also makes us gain more energy for other activities.
Do you have a hard time taking time for yourself?
Do you think you take enough time for yourself? Or would you like to take more? If so, what holds you back? Which of the tips do you think will help you?
