What to do when you get annoyed easily

Do you sometimes feel that you get annoyed by everything? Or maybe you have not even realised that you go about grumbling and complaining.

Our way of being, how we feel and in which situation we are influences if certain things annoy us and to what extent. There might be things or people that annoy you on certain days but on other you do not bother. Also, there may be other situations that seem to annoy you more often.

What annoys you?

There are situations or other people’s behaviours that you would like to be in a certain way. But things are not always the way we want them to be which is why we might get annoyed. Examples of things that could annoy you are:

• There are too many people in the market, supermarket, exhibition, concert, on the bus…
• There are few people in the restaurant, bar, disco, street market…
• Why do people not watch where they are going or why do they not realise they are in the way.
• What a shrill tone of voice does this person have. This group or person talks too loudly. That other person speaks so softly that I have a hard time listening.
• The food is overcooked, undercooked, insipid, too salty…
• The waiter is very slow. The shop assistant ignores me.
• The work colleague wastes time, always interrupts, takes too long for that easy task, does not meet the deadlines, is a busybody, a know-it-all, does not get anything etc.
• Your partner or kids always leave the toothpaste or toilet seat open, leave things lying about, do not help around the house etc.
• Your partner or parents always criticise you or never seem to be pleased with what you do.

If any of these examples ring a bell, I suggest you do some soul-searching. How many times a day to trap yourself thinking something similar? How often do you feel annoyed by something? If it happens several times a day, it turns out you are most probably stressed.

Analyse why you are actually annoyed

Ask yourself why you feel annoyed. You will probably realise that you feel stressed or dissatisfied with some life aspect. Maybe things at work or in the relationship with your partner are not going as you would like. Perhaps you worry about your kids, parents, partner or some friend. Possibly you feel you lack time for everything. Or maybe you are just running late for some place you need to go.

There are also things that annoy us because they clash with our values and beliefs. If we appreciate punctuality we might get riled up about others being late. When we appreciate our personal space, we can get annoyed when others invade it for example getting to close in the supermarket or bus line. If we believe in a job well done, colleagues, which in our opinion waste time, may irritate us. I could continue listing examples but I only want to illustrate how our way of seeing things influences how we perceive situations and can annoy us.

How to relieve the feeling of discomfort

Accept things as they are

The first step is to accept things and people as they are. We have our beliefs and experiences that leads us to think that things should be in a certain way; that people should behave (on personal and professional level) somehow.

This way is what we consider the most appropriate, well-mannered, effective, in short the best way. As I have mentioned, our opinion is based on our experiences, our way of seeing and living life and the resources we have to face different situations. Therefore, next time you make a value judgment or criticise somebody’s behaviour, take into account that you are seeing the situation from the point of view of your own reality.

You decide how something makes you feel

Instead of blaming a situation or other person for your discomfort, become aware that you decide how something makes you feel. If you think it through you will probably realise that there are things that do not irritate you when you are relaxed.

Maybe it is something that you had not even noticed until that point (the noise the neighbour above makes, the sound of a colleague tapping a pen or other nervous tics). Once you have noticed you will not stop hearing it.

As I have mentioned before, there are also things that irritate us due to our beliefs. When you get annoyed by somebody’s behaviour, consider what is the use of getting annoyed and stressed over it.

Let me remind you that you decide whether to let something rile you up or rather ignore and accept it.

Choose your battles

Become aware when you get annoyed by trivialities or things you cannot change. If you have no influence over something, it is better to accept it. Therefore, choose the nuisances that are important to you and ask yourself what you can do to change them. It might be a matter of changing your attitude or of taking the initiative to share with a person what annoys you.

Change your attitude

Consider whether you are in victim mode thinking something like everybody ignores me, nobody helps me, nobody respects me etc. From this attitude you will face situations with reproaches and complaints. However, if you adopt a more proactive attitude, your mind will search for solutions to eliminate the nuisance and improve the situation.

Train your patience and empathy

At times, certain things bother us because we believe that we would do them quicker or better. If you live in a big city with a fast pace of life, you might have travelled to a village or island and thought that people were really slow. Instead of getting frustrated and wishing they would be quicker, maybe you should consider whether the problem is on your side. You might be hyper and tense and actually need to relax a bit.

When certain things or behaviours irritate us, it is also helpful to put yourself in the place of others, that is be empathic. This will help us realise that we are not all the same and do not do things in the same way, but that does not mean it is worse.

Express your feelings assertively

You might feel irritated by things about other people that you consider important for your relationship with them or for your work. Then take the initiative to express assertively what annoys you. But be careful not to attack them with phrases like “You always do this”, “You never help me” because this will make them defensive. It will be more productive to explain how it makes you feel and express yourself in first person. For example: “I do not feel supported/valued/respected when…”, “It irritates me when…”, “I do not like when…”, “It adversely affects my work when…”.

Identify generalisations

Both in your thoughts, when you feel annoyed, and when you share it with somebody, beware of generalisations. I mean words like “always”, “never”, “everything”. Things are usually not that final. When you think that nobody ever helps you, this will certainly be a big exaggeration. If you trap yourself thinking that somebody always does something annoying, this will most probably not be the case either.

Look for activities to relieve stress

As I told you in the beginning, when we feel annoyed it is often an indicator of being stressed. Stress is a mechanism that puts us on guard. However, our body and mind are not prepared to stand stress on an ongoing basis.

Therefore, review your daily routine and make sure you include activities to improve your well-being. Activities that are fun like meeting with friends for a laugh or dedicating time to a hobby will get you out of the rut. Also, look for relaxing activities like going for a walk, meditation, yoga or pilates for example. Furthermore, I suggest you practice staying calm and facing situations with serenity.

Sometimes we have a hard time identifying on our own what is happening to us or taking action to improve our situation. Then I suggest you seek professional help. Contact to find out how I can help you.

So, what annoys you?

Which things do particularly rile you up? How often do you realise that certain situations irritate you throughout the day? Why do you think you feel annoyed?

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